13, Al, Aluminum, 铝, 26.9815
The only way to protect yourself from mind-control beams is to wrap your head in aluminum foil. Amateurs usually do a half-assed job of this. They cover the tops of their heads, leaving their eyes uncovered, or their nostrils. Don’t make this mistake! Devise a periscope for your eyes, or a small television screen cabled to a camera duct-taped to your shoulder.
要保护自己不被电波控制思想，唯一方法就是用铝箔包裹住头。业余者通常会对这件事做个漏洞百出。他们会把头顶挡住，却把眼睛或鼻孔露出来。不要犯这种错误！给你们的眼睛配一副潜望镜，或者配一个小型屏幕，屏幕的另一头连接到你肩膀上的摄像头。
Run rubber hoses up your nostrils so you can breathe. After a day or so, you stop noticing the smell. Swathe your head completely in three to five layers of foil.
用橡胶软管堵住鼻孔，这样你就能呼吸了。用上差不多一天时间，您就不会再注意到这种气味。用三到五层箔纸把头部完全包起来。
There are many benefits to freeing yourself from mind-control beams.
摆脱了思维控制电波，好处多多。
Loved ones speak to you more directly. Religious missionaries stop approaching you in airports. Most importantly, the world begins at last to make sense.
亲人们会更直接地与你说话。宗教宣教士不会在机场把你拦住。最重要的是，世界终于开始变得有意义了。
Even if you’re under the influence of mind-control beams, it’s possible to set yourself free. The first step is to admit that there’s something wrong with reality. Not you?reality!
甚至当您受控制精神的电波所影响时，你也可以让自己放松下来。第一步是承认现实存在问题。不是吗？现实点！
Begin by paying attention to what you’re doing. Ask yourself if it makes sense. That haircut you got the other day ? What were you thinking? Those clothes in your closet that you’ve never gotten around to wearing ? Would a sane person have spent money on plaid trousers? You don’t even like plaid.
首先要注意你正在做什么。问问自己那是否有意义。你之前理的发呢？你当时在想什么？还有壁橱里那些你从来没有穿过的衣服？一个理智的人在格子裤子上花钱吗？你甚至都不喜欢格子呢。
Stop! Right now! What are you doing? Reading an online story about mind-control beams and plaid trousers? Does that make any sense to you at all?
停停停，马上停！你在做什么？在边上网边读有关心智控制电波和格子裤子的事吗？这对你有什么意义吗？
I didn’t think so.
我不这么认为。
The roll of Alcoa is in the kitchen, in the drawer by the sink. Go get it. Now. Cover your head entirely, using all of the roll just to be safe.
铝箔就在厨房里，在洗碗池旁边的抽屉里。去拿它。现在。为了安全起见，请把你的头完全包起来。
Be sure it’s loose enough so you can breathe. Leave a tiny slit to see through, about as wide as a line of type on your computer monitor.
确保它足够松，能让你呼吸。留出一条细缝好看到外面，大约和电脑屏幕上的一行字差不多宽。
Lean your head forward, close to the CRT, so you can read these words, a line at a time. Are you ready? Good.
将头向前倾斜，靠近显示器，这样您就可以一行一行地读这些字了。你准备好了吗？好。
Now let’s talk about the dangers of exposure to computer monitors.
现在，咱们谈谈暴露在电脑显示器辐射里的危险吧。