19
Potassium
K
钾
39.0983

Bananas
香蕉

Electrolytes are the message-bearing ions within your body capable of moving across cell membranes. Without them, you couldn’t function. But if you want to avoid heart disease—if you want to live forever—you must first adjust your electrolyte balances by dropping sodium ions and replacing them with potassium.

电解质是能够在人体中中跨细胞膜移动的信息传递离子。没有它们，您都无法启动。但是，如果您想避免心脏病（如果您想永远活着），你必须首先减少纳离子的摄入并用钾离子代替它，以此维护电解质的平衡。

To do this, you must eat bananas. A lot of bananas. Every meal, every day, for the rest of your life.
为此，您必须吃香蕉。很多香蕉。你这辈子每天的每一顿饭，都是如此。

Bananas are rich in potassium. That’s why monkeys eat them. Potassium is good for all anthropoids, most definitely including humans. It promotes longevity.

香蕉富含钾。这就是猴子吃它们的原因。钾对所有类人猿类都有好处，当然也包括人类。它可以延年益寿。

Potassium is, in fact, the keystone of your immortality upgrade. It is only fair to warn you, however, that since achieving immortality is such a complex process, there will inevitably be a few minor side effects, for which you should be prepared.

实际上，钾是永生的​​关键。科学地讲，还是得警告你一下，获得永生毕竟是一个复杂的过程，因此不可避免地会有一些小小的副作用，您应该为此做好准备。

The first of these is hair gain. Many patients express dismay when a thick luxurious pelt grows everywhere on their bodies except their palms and soles. Women in particular are upset at discovering they have hairy breasts. However, since those breasts can be expected to shrink to almost nothing, this is in the long run a non-issue.

首先是长毛症。除了手掌和脚掌外身体都到处生长出厚厚的豪气的毛，许多患者会因此感到沮丧。特别是女性会因为乳房有毛很沮丧。但是，在预期中，这些乳房会渐渐收缩到飞机场的程度，所以从长远来看这不算什么问题。

The sudden acquisition of a tail is more problematic. Particularly when young males are about, the opportunities for low humor seem almost limitless. There is no denying, however, that the new appendage can prove extremely useful, especially when brachiating. And since brachiation will be made all but mandatory by your new, stooped posture and lengthened forelimbs, this may be viewed as something of a hidden blessing.

突然长出尾巴更成问题。特别是当发生在年轻的男性身上时，他们看起来永远不会有什么幽默感了。不过，不可否认的是，新的肢体其实也是特别有用的，尤其是在徒手荡秋千时。而且正由于新的弯曲姿态和加长的前肢的出现，人们会不行不采用徒手荡秋千的方式赶路，这倒成了一种隐藏的天赋了。

Finally, there is the question of intelligence. Many candidates for immortality seem inordinately attached to their intellect, and grow quite irate when they realize exactly how much of it they must gave up. Readers in particular are prone to violence at this point.

最后，还有智力的问题。许多想长生不老的人似乎过分地依赖自己的智力，当他们确切地意识到自己为了得到它要放弃多少智商时，他们会非常生气。在这一点上，读者尤其容易遭受暴力侵害。

However, this anger never lasts. Immortals quickly adjust to their new mental status, and even come to value and esteem it over their old. At least, that’s what observers believe. Being incapable of speech, the immortals themselves of course cannot tell what they are thinking. But they seem happy enough.

不过，这种愤怒不会永远持续下去。永生者们会很快适应新的心理状态，甚至比起自己的旧时光会觉得自己的新状态更好。至少观察者们相信是这样。因为讲不了话，永生者们当然也就没办法说明白他们在想什么。不过他们似乎很高兴就是了。

All this will prove an insurmountable obstacle to some. Others, however, the more visionary and far-thinking, will realize that immortality is worth any price. The future is theirs. It can be yours, too, at a perfectly reasonable cost. Sign up today!

所有这些障碍，有些人始终无法克服。然而，其他人，其他更有卓识远见的人，将意识到他们会为了永生不惜任何代价。未来是他们的。它也可以是您的，而且价格合理。立即注册吧！

Come on, you apes! Do you want to live forever?

来呀，猴子们！你们想永远活着吗？