*The Outpost and the Aliens*
哨卡和外星人
* * * *
I began sweeping the floor again.
我又开始擦起了地板。
“That’s the fifth time you’ve swept up in the last hour,” said Willie the Bard. “How much cleaner does the place have to be before you’re happy?”
“上个钟头你已经擦了得有五十次了。”诗人威利说，“你在高兴之前这地方得有多干净啊？”
“It’s just nervous energy,” I said. “They’re fighting a war out there, and we’re stuck here at the Outpost.”
The Bard glanced out the window.
“我就是太紧张了而已，”我说，“他们就在外面打着仗，我们却陷在岗哨这里。”
“Uh … I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings,” he said nervously, “but we’re not as far from the war as you
think.”
“呃……我不想当专门送坏消息的人，”他紧张地说，“不过我们其实没你想的离战争那么远。”
“What’s happening?” I asked.
“怎么了？”我问。
“A ship just landed.” He continued staring at it. “It’s not like any other ship I’ve ever seen.”
“有架飞船降落了，”他继续盯着外面，“根本不像我见过的任何飞船。”
“Damn!” I said. “We’ll just have to defend the place as best we can.”
“该死！”我说，“我们必须尽力守住这块地方。”
“We?” repeated the Bard. “I’m a historian. I’ve never held a weapon in my life.”
“我们？”诗人问，“我是个历史学家。我这辈子都没拿过武器。”
“I can’t stand them off all by myself,” I said. “Einstein’s blind, deaf and mute. You’re elected.”
“身上不带枪我可忍受不了，”我说，“爱因斯坦看不见，听不到，还说不出话。就剩你了。”
“Get Reggie to help.”
“去找雷吉帮忙。”
“He’s a robot,” I said. “A robot can’t harm a sentient being, or, through inaction, allow harm to come to
one.”
“雷吉是机器人，”我说，“机器人不能伤害有感情的事物，也不能在有感情的事物受到伤害时袖手旁观。”
“Stupidest thing I ever heard,” muttered the Bard.
“这真是我听过的最蠢的事情了。”诗人小声说。
Then Reggie spoke up from his position behind the bar. “On the contrary, I have absolutely no moral or
ethical compunction against harming Men or aliens.”
这时雷吉在那吧台里面开口了，“恰恰相反，我完全没有道德或论理方面的顾虑。”
“You don’t?” I said.
“你没有？”我问。
“None whatsoever.”
“完全没有。”
“Good. Then grab a weapon and — “
“好吧。那就抓上一把武器然后——”
“However,” he continued, “the only thing I know how to do is make drinks. I am totally ignorant of
firearms and military tactics. If you would like to take the necessary fourteen hours to reprogram me…”
“不过，”他继续说，“我唯一懂的一件事就是怎么做饮料。我完全不懂开口或是战术。如果你愿意花上十四个小时给我重新编程……”
“I don’t think there’s time,” I said.
“我觉得现在没那么多时间。”我说。
“There isn’t,” confirmed the Bard. “They’re already marching out of the ship. Seventeen — no, eighteen —
of ’em.”
“是没有，”诗人确认，“他们已经从飞船里出来了。有十七——不对，十八个。”
“Okay,” I said. “There’s no way I can take them out with standard weapons. This calls for something
special.”
“好吧，”我说，“我用常规武器可没办法把他们全搞定。得用点特殊的家伙。”
I reached behind the bar and pulled out the molecular imploder.
我从吧台后面拉出一把分子聚爆枪。
“I didn’t know you had an imploder,” said the Bard.
“我都不知道你有把聚爆枪。”诗人说。
“I’ve never had occasion to use it before.”
“以前我从没机会用到它。”
“It’s an impressive-looking weapon,” he said admiringly. “What powers the damned thing?”
“真是把给人深刻印象的武器，”他羡慕地说，“这该死的玩意用什么驱动的？”
“Fission, fusion, who the hell knows?” I said. “I just know that it turns things into jelly — aliens, humans,
spaceships, buildings, everything.”
“裂变还是聚变来着，谁他好的知道？”我说，“我只知道它把东西变成果冻——外星人，人类，飞船，建筑，什么都是。”
I walked to the doorway, aimed the imploder, and activated the trigger mechanism.
我走向门口，用聚爆枪瞄准，扣住了扳机装置。
And nothing happened.
什么都没发生。
“Isn’t it loaded?” asked the Bard.
“是不是没上膛？”诗人问。
“You don’t _load_ an imploder!” I snapped. “You just aim and fire it!”
“你用不着给一把聚爆枪‘上膛’！”我厉声说，“你只需要瞄准和开火！”
“Maybe it’s not getting any power,” he suggested.
“也许是它没能量了。”他出起了主意。
I checked the gauges. “Everything reads right. Everything should be working. What the hell is wrong?”
我检查了一下显示器。“一切计数都正常，所以部件都应该通用。他妈的到底哪出错了？”
“Let’s ask the expert,” said the Bard. “Toss me the computer.”
“咱们来问问专家，”诗人说，“把电脑扔过来。”
I did as he asked, and he tapped out the problem for Einstein, who replied a moment later.
我照他说的做了，他把问题输到爱因斯坦里面，过了一会，它回答了。
“He says that they’ve probably got some kind of atomic neutralizer that’s messing up your power source,
and that you should use a laser cannon or a pulse torpedo instead.”
“它说他们可能用了某种原子中和剂抑制了你的能源，你可以改用激光炮或者脉冲鱼雷。”
“This is the Outpost, not a fucking military vessel!” I yelled, as the aliens approached to within two
hundred yards. “I don’t have that kind of weaponry!”
“这里是岗哨，不是混蛋军舰！”我喊到，外星人们已经在二百码开外了，“我没有那些武器！”
Another exchange of messages.
又弹出来一条消息。
“He says it’s an interesting problem.”
“它说这是个有趣的问题。”
“That’s _all_ he’s got to say?” I said frantically.
“那就是它说的全部内容？”我发狂地问。
“He says he’s never seen an insoluble problem. He just doesn’t know if he can solve this one in the time
remaining.”
“它说它从没见过不能解决的问题。它只是不知道它能不能在剩下这点时间内解决。”
The aliens seemed to sense that we were defenseless and increased their pace.
外星人们似乎察觉到我们毫无防御，加快了他们的速度。
“Well?” I demanded.
“所以？”我问。
“He says he’s working on it.”
“它说它在想办法。”
“Tell him he’d better finish working in ten seconds!”
“告诉它它最好在十秒钟内把办法想出来！”
He finished in eight seconds. I followed his advice, and that was the end of the alien invasion, and, for all
I knew, of the whole damned war.
它只花了八秒钟。我听从了它的建议，终结了本次外星人入侵，而且，据我所知，也终结了这一整场该死的战争